Election Day...

These are from today, during our election activities.

"Is this guy a 3rd party candidate? His name is... Clint Eastwood."




"How many (electoral votes) does Mexico get?"




"Obama... as far as abortion goes... he's for it."




boy, to me: "Taylor Swift's new album is pretty legit."




(looking at a picture of Obama) "Is there a campaign for this guy, or what? He's everywhere!"




me to class: "Why can't George Bush Sr. run again?"
boy: "He's dead!"




me to class: "What about LaMarcus Aldrige- could he be elected?"
boy: "Well, I was looking at his tweets.." (I didn't hear the rest of what he said. I was laughing too hard.)




boy 1 to boy 2: "We're going to leave you here."
boy 1 to boy 3: "Come on, let's go to the Corner of Knowledge."




"Is that... Harriet Tubman? Oh no- it's Dora the Explorer."




"I found owl poop in my mom's purse once."




boy 1: "What's wrong with Mrs. G?"
boy 2: "Her eyes are closed- she must be praying."
(ps- no, she was laughing so hard she was crying.)




"I actually have a turban."




"She's Mexican so she probably boxes in her garage."




"Romney probably has a binder full of men too."




"That sounds like an annoying cat dying moose llama thing."




"I have another poop story. It's about my brother. As a toddler. On an airplane."




"Pause the TV and kiss on her!"




(during presentation) "The confederate voters in Virginia..."





The following are NOT from today- these have been accumulating for a while.

"I would probably be a frisky kitty cat."




"Oh, yuck! This can't be healthy."




"Razor scooters, Nazi edition."




"I found another fingernail."




(phone buzzes)
boy 1: "Is someone playing a saxophone?"
boy 2: "Yeah... I have a pocket saxophone."




girl to boy: "Here's your pencil."
boy to pencil: "Hey there! Long time no see, little buddy!"




"It is overwhelmingly beautiful. Just like my Cheez-its."




"I liked him... because he had a beard. He was like Santa Claus in my mind."




"My soul has eyebrows."




"My dad got a sunflower seed stuck in his ear once."

Oh, really?

(In writing assignment.)
"Unfortunately, I don't have a courageous characteristic. I have more of a hermit crab characteristic."




"Abstain means... to stain the carpet."




"Um, my liver went to Chicago."




"I don't care if it starts in my nostril!"




"Goats have a weird fiddly thing on their chin. Like Osama bin Laden."

I don't think so...

"They're brother and sister? I thought Dora and Diego were... el chum-os."




(boy sees me writing down a quote)
"What are you writing? Was it the one about the man-stache?"  (regrettably, I missed that one.)




"I got that from Dora."




"I'm communing with my cookie."




"If you were allergic to yourself, that... would be terrible."




"It tastes like Sasquatch jerky!"




(boy, to me) "He's an instigator! He's an investigator, right, Mrs. J.?"
me: "Wait... is he an instigator or an investigator?"
boy: "Investigator. That's what you call an instigating alligator."
me: "Where does the V come from?"
boy: "Velcro."




"Philosophical: If you just listen, the answers will come through your mouth."




"Cocoa beans were used as money? Like in jail."
(I raise my eyebrows)
"Yeah,in jail they use raisins as money."

What is that noise?

(class is silent)
(in the back I suddenly hear a humming... then) "A-we-mo-wep, A-we-mo-wep, A-we-mo-wep, A-we-mo-wep... In the jungle, the mighty jungle..."




(girl has her head under an over-turned chair)
different teacher: "What are you doing?"
girl: "it's like a tiny little hut!"




boy 1: "Wait, WEIRD stands for something?"
me: "In class, it does. It's We Enjoy Independent Reading Daily. I've been saying it for weeks now."
boy 1: "Oh... I thought you were just telling us to be weird."
boy 2: (leans over to me dramatically and whispers loudly) "It's too late for him."




"Mother Nature is on 'ROIDS!"




"Are dinosaurs considered mythical?"




boy 1 to boy 2: "I'm going to declare war on you if you don't help me!"




"When I get old, and my arms are all skin-flappy, I'm going to get the American flag tattooed on them so I can make the flag wave."




me: "Do you know the line the raven keeps repeating?"
(silence)
me: "It's 'never more.' It refers to this woman's death."
boy 1: "Like, 'never more LIFE'?
me: "Yeah, pretty much."
boy 1: "I'm DEEP, y'all."

You what?

"I ran into a fire hydrant."




"What is there to help with? Yes, I know- I can help turn oxygen into Carbon Dioxide."




"Common sense... it's a curse because you have to deal with people that don't have it."




boy 1: "Ugggh! My bag hurts."
boy 2: "Well, you're getting old."




boy 1 to boy 2: "So, I heard you broke three lights in your bathroom by whipping your towel around trying to kill a fly."
bo 3: "I killed a bee with a foryk once."




(pointing to a pic of an N64 on his shirt) "If she doesn't know what that is, she's too young for you bro."




me: "You're always rough-housing."
boy: "nuh-uh, I'm rough apartmenting."




"Open your book, for Peeta's sake!"




me: "Work!"
boy: "I already have three rivers labeled."
me: "Great. Keep going."
boy: "Spoiler Alert: No I don't."

Welcome back to school!

I have twice as many kids this year, so this should be interesting...


boy 1 to boy 2: "I'm a little young to have a drinking problem."
boy 2: "You're addicted to CapriSun, that's all I'm sayin'."
boy 1: "I DON'T NOT HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM!"




"You know what else I'm wearing? My detachable thumb."




(in art class)
boy 1: "This looks so cool!"
girl 1: "This is awesome!"
boy 2: "This smells really bad."





Me, to art class: "NO sniffing Sharpies!"
(quiet pause)
boy: "But wait... can I still breath?"




"Mine looks like a bunch of old ladies!"

I don't know...

"Did it sting or feel like a chocolate bunny kissing you?"








"What? Mermaids aren't hairy."








"I'm more like a squirrel."








"My nose is neutral."








"Me, Myself and I- a Cowboy Story."








"I'm not sure about this. What am I supposed to do with my jeans?"

that WOULD be weird

"It would be weird if they melted down Michael Jackson's face and made it into Legos."








me: "Knock it off with the Christian cuss words!"
boy 1: "Christmas cuss words?"
boy 2: "Son of a Rudolph!"








"Did you know worms have hats?"








girl: "Oh, he's going to throw a whole planet at me!"
boy: "Give me Venus back!"
girl: "NO! I'm killing the Martians!"

oh, brother

"Is this what we have been degraded to? Playing with a piece of dust?"








(Two soon-to-be middle schoolers, playing a guessing game.)
girl 1: "A lot of Scottish people wear these designs..."
girl 2: "Bagpipes!"








"I have a bump on my tongue."








"I almost tasted her HAIR!"








boy, to me: "You're just punishing me because I know Jacob is better and Jar Jar Binks is awesome. You're jealous!"








"I like hobos, and I like fairies."

really?

"It's more anticlimactic than Mr. Rogers, and all his friends are IMAGINARY!"








"I misheard myself."








"I know, but I ate two of them off the ground..."








"That was like a dying chihuahua."

How can you tell?

"My hump is bigger than yours."








"That's a foot-stompin', hand-clappin' harmony."








"I prefer boys because you don't have to talk to them."








"You're a jerk. I'm cancelling our Draw Something game."








"Goodbye, Compromise of 1833. I've never liked you."








"This would be a great time to be friends with a rapper."








"Oh, they're gonna be so jealous! Let's walk all cool- in slow motion!"








boy 1: "Let me just go hunting..."
boy 2: "Like I do. With dinosaurs."
me: (eyeroll)
boy 2: "It's true. They never see it coming."








"You should go to Africa and learn their ways of storytelling. I hear they're pretty good at it."








"OOOH, right in the childhood!"








"If there are injuries, are there also out-juries?"

That could be a problem...

"There's a war between humans and inanimate objects going on!"








"But you can hurt his gentle man-feelings."








"I don't want to die in any way that involves my neck."








"Can you open the door so I can shake it?"






"Do you know how to make armpit fudge?"








"Shame on you, me, you, me, you, me, US!"








"Will you be a dear and go hunt a moose?"








boy 1, to me: "They were roughhousing."
boy 2: "And rough mansion-ing."
(I look at him, quizzically.)
boy 2: "Rough condo-ing."
          " Rough Misselthwaite Manor-ing."
          "Rough yurtz-ing."
          "Rough apartment-ing."
girl 1:  "Oh! Rough tent-ing."
boy 2: "Rough coral reef-ing."
girl 1:  "Rough cave-ing."
boy 2: "Rough motor-homing."

Too much information...

Homework vocab answers:
"My brother quickly depleted his deodorant because he thinks girls love Old Spice."
"My brother seared his pants when he held a lighter up to his bum and let out a fart."








And, normal quotes...
"I have pianos in my body. They're next to my organs." (hahaha!)








"I did NOT put a calculator in my pants, thank you very much!"








"Did you say you are buying a chimpanzee?"








"Someone just ripped the other person's face off!"








boy, to me: "I hate puberty."
(I look up, eyebrow cocked)
"A zit. I scratched it."








girl, to me:"We're playing the Hunger Games, running around and poking each other with thumbs."
boy, to me: "I committed Japanese. The honorable death thing."








boy to girl: "You stopped thumb-twiddling and I won!"

Wouldn't dream of it...

boy 1 to girl 1: "You're not my mom, so don't dress me!"








"Ew, it's a scorpion! Oh wait... that's a lobster."








"What's that (quote) from? A Racecar Name Desire?"








"I have very sensitive cubicles."








"They're having a moonwalk battle."








"I'm having a hard time because Pennsylvania is so large. I'm like, 'What are you, China?' "








"Green Yoda is, yes."








"Yoda talk like me, I."








"(Boy's name) talk Yoda... not. will."









"Did you know there's a Mrs. Yoda?"








"What is he, a special gecko with a tricked out cave?"

oh... burn!

"Would you like some ice for that third-degree BURN?"








"Now that's COLONIAL swag."








"That amendment says no quartering of troopers."








(This one comes from a future middle-schooler- another class was using my room for presentations, and I got to witness this...)
boy 1: "(Jefferson Davis) was a little like me in his childhood."
boy 2: "How?"
boy 1:  "Except I didn't work on a cotton plantation."
teacher: "Then how?"
boy 1: "Well, I might be president someday."
(long pause)
girl 1: "How did (Jefferson Davis's) wife die?"
boy 1: "I don't know- maybe she wasn't taking care of herself."








"I veto chihuahuas! They shiver and it's weird."








"You smell like... Albertson's."

oh, really?

"Look at my tongue! My tongue is awesome!"

"Stubby Thriller arms!"

"We should have muzzles..."

"Hey guys, let's switch personalities!"

Boy1 about boy 2, to me: "Mrs J, (he) is self conscious because he's going through puberty."

me: "You're ALL going through puberty."

boy 1: "Yeah, but he's going through puberty on his face."

"You could dye your head bald!"

Spring Break Countdown...

"I HAVE ROUND CHEEEEEESE!"

"Everyone hide! Please don't explode."

"I think I'm a ninja."

"MMMM, warm Fritos taste!"

boy 1 to boy 2: "You opened that fruit cup like a boss."

boy 2: "I can't do anything like a boss."

"Mrs. Johnson! Banana Zone!"

"I like to squish things. Preferably artificial cheese."

"What is the meaning of this? It's REAL cheese?!?"

"I get colds from history."

"Why would you use a dictionary to do something stupid, like improve your grade?"

How does that work, exactly?

"I'm in love with a teenage pineapple!"

boy: "Okay, Okay- Everyone at this table. What's your opinion of My Little Ponies?"

girl: "Tom Sawyer? Doesn't he get eaten by a whale?"

(long pause)

boy: "Um... that's Pinnochio."

girl to boy 1:"You... buried your Hunger Games book in DIRTY LAUNDRY? Who DOES THAT?!?"

boy 2: "I would teach that person a LESSON."

TOO MUCH SUGAR

boy: "I want to be an ox."

girl: "Why?"

boy: "Because then I could kill people. With my head."

"It's Valentine's Day! You're not supposed to be mean, you jerk!"

"Bart sounds like an offensive name."

me: "Winner, winner, chicken dinner!"

boy: "Loser, loser... something that sounds like oozer."

(discussion ensues)

boy: "YES! Loser, loser... chicken bruiser?"

"I don't believe in unicorns... but I do believe in uni-bears."

Never heard that one before...

"Usually, when I hiccup, I'll end up burping at the end."

"You shocked my NOSE! With your ELBOW!"

(movie on in class): "You could've gotten stabbed by a swordfish!"

boy: "Um... they're not actually swords."

"Do you wanna go pet some mooses?"

(into a fake walkie talkie) "Let's go get a dinosaur. Copy that."

"Technically, when you're bowling, all the lanes go the same direction."

"TURRRRRN! Randomrandomtuuuuuuurn!"

"My name is __________ and I have a pet chair."

"You DON'T throw artificial ham!"

You're absolutely correct.

"There's nothing shameful about having a 'stache."

"It's rude to talk while I'm interrupting!

"I have an accusation to make. Colonel Mustard got Mrs. Plum with a candlestick."

me: "Does anyone have any questions?"

boy: "No, I get it! It's like on Sesame Street..."

boy to girl: "I don't think giving birth and rejoicing has anything to do with good friends. Are you reading the right verse?"

girl: "Um... oh! I'm a chapter off!"

boy: "Yeah, cuz right now, that's what a BAD friend would do."

"For a second there, I thought you said, 'Don't make friends with a hot tub!' "

um... ok?

"Oh no! I killed a man with this thumb."

"Ninja chapstick dinosaurs!"

"NO! We should have cool names, like Charlie, and Tim!"

"Well, it really depends on how long your arm hair is."