that WOULD be weird

"It would be weird if they melted down Michael Jackson's face and made it into Legos."








me: "Knock it off with the Christian cuss words!"
boy 1: "Christmas cuss words?"
boy 2: "Son of a Rudolph!"








"Did you know worms have hats?"








girl: "Oh, he's going to throw a whole planet at me!"
boy: "Give me Venus back!"
girl: "NO! I'm killing the Martians!"

oh, brother

"Is this what we have been degraded to? Playing with a piece of dust?"








(Two soon-to-be middle schoolers, playing a guessing game.)
girl 1: "A lot of Scottish people wear these designs..."
girl 2: "Bagpipes!"








"I have a bump on my tongue."








"I almost tasted her HAIR!"








boy, to me: "You're just punishing me because I know Jacob is better and Jar Jar Binks is awesome. You're jealous!"








"I like hobos, and I like fairies."

really?

"It's more anticlimactic than Mr. Rogers, and all his friends are IMAGINARY!"








"I misheard myself."








"I know, but I ate two of them off the ground..."








"That was like a dying chihuahua."

How can you tell?

"My hump is bigger than yours."








"That's a foot-stompin', hand-clappin' harmony."








"I prefer boys because you don't have to talk to them."








"You're a jerk. I'm cancelling our Draw Something game."








"Goodbye, Compromise of 1833. I've never liked you."








"This would be a great time to be friends with a rapper."








"Oh, they're gonna be so jealous! Let's walk all cool- in slow motion!"








boy 1: "Let me just go hunting..."
boy 2: "Like I do. With dinosaurs."
me: (eyeroll)
boy 2: "It's true. They never see it coming."








"You should go to Africa and learn their ways of storytelling. I hear they're pretty good at it."








"OOOH, right in the childhood!"








"If there are injuries, are there also out-juries?"

That could be a problem...

"There's a war between humans and inanimate objects going on!"








"But you can hurt his gentle man-feelings."








"I don't want to die in any way that involves my neck."








"Can you open the door so I can shake it?"






"Do you know how to make armpit fudge?"








"Shame on you, me, you, me, you, me, US!"








"Will you be a dear and go hunt a moose?"








boy 1, to me: "They were roughhousing."
boy 2: "And rough mansion-ing."
(I look at him, quizzically.)
boy 2: "Rough condo-ing."
          " Rough Misselthwaite Manor-ing."
          "Rough yurtz-ing."
          "Rough apartment-ing."
girl 1:  "Oh! Rough tent-ing."
boy 2: "Rough coral reef-ing."
girl 1:  "Rough cave-ing."
boy 2: "Rough motor-homing."

Too much information...

Homework vocab answers:
"My brother quickly depleted his deodorant because he thinks girls love Old Spice."
"My brother seared his pants when he held a lighter up to his bum and let out a fart."








And, normal quotes...
"I have pianos in my body. They're next to my organs." (hahaha!)








"I did NOT put a calculator in my pants, thank you very much!"








"Did you say you are buying a chimpanzee?"








"Someone just ripped the other person's face off!"








boy, to me: "I hate puberty."
(I look up, eyebrow cocked)
"A zit. I scratched it."








girl, to me:"We're playing the Hunger Games, running around and poking each other with thumbs."
boy, to me: "I committed Japanese. The honorable death thing."








boy to girl: "You stopped thumb-twiddling and I won!"