I feel old.

"What's a floppy disk?"




boy to girl: "Seriously, my cousin's skin is GOLD. He practically glows."
me: "Um, what? Like an Austin Powers villain?"
boy: "no, more like..."
me: "Ricky Martin?"
boy: "Um... who is that?"




"We're going to write a children's book- Let Me Touch Your Mustache."




"He put it above his mouth and below his nose- two bad places."




boy to girl: "I know you're a girl with a star-spangled heart."




(Random noise)
Me to boy: "Did you have something to add?"
boy: "No, I was just beat-boxing."




"That's gross. That's like Dutch oven gross."




"TO BE OR NOT TO BE... that is all I know. Because I think the rest is boring and haven't paid attention."




"I'm going to burn that water bottle so bad it can't be recycled!"