I don't think so...

"They're brother and sister? I thought Dora and Diego were... el chum-os."




(boy sees me writing down a quote)
"What are you writing? Was it the one about the man-stache?"  (regrettably, I missed that one.)




"I got that from Dora."




"I'm communing with my cookie."




"If you were allergic to yourself, that... would be terrible."




"It tastes like Sasquatch jerky!"




(boy, to me) "He's an instigator! He's an investigator, right, Mrs. J.?"
me: "Wait... is he an instigator or an investigator?"
boy: "Investigator. That's what you call an instigating alligator."
me: "Where does the V come from?"
boy: "Velcro."




"Philosophical: If you just listen, the answers will come through your mouth."




"Cocoa beans were used as money? Like in jail."
(I raise my eyebrows)
"Yeah,in jail they use raisins as money."

What is that noise?

(class is silent)
(in the back I suddenly hear a humming... then) "A-we-mo-wep, A-we-mo-wep, A-we-mo-wep, A-we-mo-wep... In the jungle, the mighty jungle..."




(girl has her head under an over-turned chair)
different teacher: "What are you doing?"
girl: "it's like a tiny little hut!"




boy 1: "Wait, WEIRD stands for something?"
me: "In class, it does. It's We Enjoy Independent Reading Daily. I've been saying it for weeks now."
boy 1: "Oh... I thought you were just telling us to be weird."
boy 2: (leans over to me dramatically and whispers loudly) "It's too late for him."




"Mother Nature is on 'ROIDS!"




"Are dinosaurs considered mythical?"




boy 1 to boy 2: "I'm going to declare war on you if you don't help me!"




"When I get old, and my arms are all skin-flappy, I'm going to get the American flag tattooed on them so I can make the flag wave."




me: "Do you know the line the raven keeps repeating?"
(silence)
me: "It's 'never more.' It refers to this woman's death."
boy 1: "Like, 'never more LIFE'?
me: "Yeah, pretty much."
boy 1: "I'm DEEP, y'all."

You what?

"I ran into a fire hydrant."




"What is there to help with? Yes, I know- I can help turn oxygen into Carbon Dioxide."




"Common sense... it's a curse because you have to deal with people that don't have it."




boy 1: "Ugggh! My bag hurts."
boy 2: "Well, you're getting old."




boy 1 to boy 2: "So, I heard you broke three lights in your bathroom by whipping your towel around trying to kill a fly."
bo 3: "I killed a bee with a foryk once."




(pointing to a pic of an N64 on his shirt) "If she doesn't know what that is, she's too young for you bro."




me: "You're always rough-housing."
boy: "nuh-uh, I'm rough apartmenting."




"Open your book, for Peeta's sake!"




me: "Work!"
boy: "I already have three rivers labeled."
me: "Great. Keep going."
boy: "Spoiler Alert: No I don't."

Welcome back to school!

I have twice as many kids this year, so this should be interesting...


boy 1 to boy 2: "I'm a little young to have a drinking problem."
boy 2: "You're addicted to CapriSun, that's all I'm sayin'."
boy 1: "I DON'T NOT HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM!"




"You know what else I'm wearing? My detachable thumb."




(in art class)
boy 1: "This looks so cool!"
girl 1: "This is awesome!"
boy 2: "This smells really bad."





Me, to art class: "NO sniffing Sharpies!"
(quiet pause)
boy: "But wait... can I still breath?"




"Mine looks like a bunch of old ladies!"