He must be awfully hungry...

"Birds aren't retarded. They are very smart. They regurgitate their food and they feed it to my dad."

"Aw, man! I guess we don't make good gang members."

boy: "What makes a gang member?"

girl: "Weird hats."

"Did I just poke myself in the eye with my own finger?"

"You look like a giant coat monster!"

(I shut a door a little too hard in between two classrooms.)

In the next door classroom, boy 1: "Mrs. Johnson ANGRY."

boy 2: "J-dog SMASH."

"Mrs. Johnson, is the zombie apocalypse an actual thing?"

ET Phone Home...

"E.T. has a home phone?"

"I was sick. You know- cough cough, sneezity. Cough."

"Ew, I just touched something green and sticky."

boy: "At least my mom didn't make me wear her high heels."

"Look, I'm putting a new spin on the name tree hugger!" (hugs tree)

girl 1: "Mrs. J, what would you do if one of us fell out of the car?"

me: "I suppose it depends on where, and when..."

girl 2: "And who."

"When I go out Sasquatch hunting, that's where I'll look."

"You are my worst enemy in the history of space and time!!!"