All Today- How Do I Get Work Done?

All but 3 of these were today, I kid you not.

"I touch whatever I want to touch..."


"I live in a parallel universe!"


"That is bullschnizzle if I've ever heard it."


"I can flex my thighs."


"I've done worse to (her) than that."


"For future reference, you can't take this away because it's not a bandana. It's a wizard's gauntlet."


"This stuff makes me boring."


"Made you look, now you're in the baby book."


"I won't do anything for yu, as long as you let me have a garbage can right now."


"It tastes like Mexico."


"Why do you have ice?
Ice, baby."


"I found a nerf dart in my pencil case. And it's a pencil dart."