oh really...

"I can juggle milk."

"I balance paper towels too!"

"You've been smurfed!"

"You should have Mrs. Johnson call you Captain Sparkles."

"I have a second life where I am a werewolf."

"I have a second life where I'm me. It's called my main life. I need to get a life. I should buy one."

"Only boys can be police. Girls can be fashion police."

Did you know how smart crows are?

"I have a crow that is my psychiatrist."

boy 1: "Leonadro da Vinci must have had a hard time signing his name onto all of those paintings. It was so long..."

boy 2: "And then he turned into a turtle."

"Hulk Hogan. Who is that?"

"Everyone forgets about decimals. Decimals have feelings, too!"

*singing to himself* "Now, bring us some piggy pudding..."

"Curse your long arms!"

I don't know how we get any work done...

Seriously.

girl to boy: "I make you... whatever those guys who wear the funny jingly hats are."

boy to me: "Mrs. Johnson, you don't have to get feisty."

"CATCH THE PIGGY!"

"I have your piggy. On my head."

"But Pocahontas is a DISNEY movie. Of course they wouldn't put that she was his wife at twelve; it would ruin her rep."

"Are you making her Princess Bunyon?"

"I don't know! I'm not a professional color-lister!"

"This is really old skin though, so it doesn't matter."

me: "What's going on? Are you okay?"

boy: "I don't know, it's just a zombie walk or something."

"My pockets are the void into time and space."

"I don't want to perform surgery on the couch. One, I don't know how. Two, it's yucky down there."

"Well, I pretty much believe whatever people tell me."

boy to me: "Mrs. J, (he) is putting erasers in the end of his pen and shooting them at (him)."

me: *sigh*

boy: "Mrs. J, do you need a hug?"

"Mrs. Johnson, my friend's birthday is the day of Patrick Swayze's death. Also, I don't even know who that is."

"I hope you didn't blow your nose on that."

"Her hair is as red as a fire hydrant. A red one- I've seen some yellow ones, but I don't mean those. Red as a red fire hydrant."

Oh my heavens...

These have been piling up for a few days. Sorry I'm just now getting to it. Enjoy!

"Marky sharpie. Marky sharpie. It's my Marky!"

"It's the LUNCH BOX 360."

"Normal people are just small midgets."

"Did you know an octopus can change genders? I wish I could do that- I would be the greatest secret agent EVER."

"Can I have these? They look like hats for my thumbs."

boy: "There was a peacock outside my window this morning."

(silence)

girl: "Where do you live?"

boy 1: Did you put gel in your hair?"

boy 2: "NO! It's called H! 2! 0!"

"I need a new chair. I'm tired of this invisible one."

"Wait, we have a vocab workbook? I've been missing out!"

"Ra-ooooooo! I have a letter I can uuuuuuuuuuuse!"

"Hey! You both got the finger."

"I'm SANTA! I'm SANTA! I'M SANTA!"

"1, 2, 3, 4- somebody's still next door."

"Bringing your book to class hurts... if you get hit with it."

boy to me: "Hey! How are you?"

me: "I'm good. How are you?"

boy: Good. OOH! A BIRD!"

(boy singing softly to himself) "Haters gonna haaate..."

"You can shake it if you want to, but please, shake it somewhere else."

I can't believe this was all today...

Maybe the best day ever.

Me: "So if you have three tardies for one class, you will be writing an essay for us."

Girl: "Can it be about Miranda Cosgrove (iCarly) ?"

Me: "...any questions?"

Boy: "No, but I know why the Sega Genesis is called that. Because it's the first 16-bit console!"

Me: (nothing. How do you respond to that?)

"If you do it from the back, it's flipping someone off. If you do it from the front, it's not."

Note found it old textbook: Girl 1: "Map Ashley"

Girl 2: "I don't know what that means"

Girl 1: "Neither do I"

"Last year, (he) ate his Bible."

"Mrs. Johnson! Mrs. Johnson! Watch this!" (Tosses lunch box onto floor.) "It looks like that lunch..." (puts sunglasses on and crosses arms) "...just got served."

Girl: "You smashed my Sharpie!"

Me: "Sorry. Did it live?"

Girl: "NO! It died a hard and painful death!!!"

"This is making me cross-eyed."

ALL ABOUT BOOK COVERS...

Boy 1: "I want a blanket made out of this stuff!"

Boy 2: "Yeah, it's perfect for hats."

"These are handcuffs. Stupid handcuffs. Aw, I popped a thread!"

"We should have a stretching ceremony."

"STRETCH-TASTIC!!!!!"

Boy 1:"I have stretch cash in my wallet."

Boy 2: "I have stretch cash in my cousin."

Happy First Day Back!!!!!

First for the year...

I've been sweating out the summer break, sad to have no new posts- but today we're back! Only an evening with parents and kids, and I already have three quotes! This is going to be a gooooood year.

"I know... kids these days drink coffee."

"There were freshman with mustaches! There aren't supposed to be mustaches!"

"Was that really funny? Were you really laughing? Because sometimes my mom laughs... and I'm not that funny."

Ah, the end of the year...

boy 1: "Are there any buff guys I can check out?"

boy 2: "Um... I really don't know."

boy 1: "Did you... just spank me as I walked by?"

boy 2: "It was a friendly pat."

boy 1: "I suggest you not 'friendly pat' too many people."

boy: "Fih-do? Huh?"

girl: "Fie-do. Fido. I JUST said that."

"I'm doing free-time things!"

"Smell my neck!"

"Boogers are lucky."

boy 1: "I get really offensive when you talk about my mom."

boy 2 and me, simultaneously: "You mean offendED?"

boy 1: "I know what I say."

"I dare you to smell the glue. It smells... weird."

"My Snuggie makes me invincible."

"It's Friday, Friday- [he's] locked out on Friday!"

"How do you spell great?"

"I was on a railroad to heaven- then I jumped off."

*The following are ALL from our Bunco tournament. Seriously.*

"That place is like the Las Vegas of tables. It's... the best."

"Crabs don't make noises... do they?"

boy: "I'm getting nothing!"

girl: "Except a big bowl of despair."

"Can I squish it?"

"You lost your BONCO, you turd."

"I have neutral feelings about you. I might play this game on weekends."

"THIS. IS. BUNCO!!!!!" (front kicks desk)

"When I'm not playing Bunco, I am sad. Because... I'm just... emo."

"I'm going to hit you with my nuts!"

boy, talking to dice: "I know I look funny, but you have to look past that, into my heart... because I NEED to roll sixes."