Ah, the end of the year...

boy 1: "Are there any buff guys I can check out?"

boy 2: "Um... I really don't know."

boy 1: "Did you... just spank me as I walked by?"

boy 2: "It was a friendly pat."

boy 1: "I suggest you not 'friendly pat' too many people."

boy: "Fih-do? Huh?"

girl: "Fie-do. Fido. I JUST said that."

"I'm doing free-time things!"

"Smell my neck!"

"Boogers are lucky."

boy 1: "I get really offensive when you talk about my mom."

boy 2 and me, simultaneously: "You mean offendED?"

boy 1: "I know what I say."

"I dare you to smell the glue. It smells... weird."

"My Snuggie makes me invincible."

"It's Friday, Friday- [he's] locked out on Friday!"

"How do you spell great?"

"I was on a railroad to heaven- then I jumped off."

*The following are ALL from our Bunco tournament. Seriously.*

"That place is like the Las Vegas of tables. It's... the best."

"Crabs don't make noises... do they?"

boy: "I'm getting nothing!"

girl: "Except a big bowl of despair."

"Can I squish it?"

"You lost your BONCO, you turd."

"I have neutral feelings about you. I might play this game on weekends."

"THIS. IS. BUNCO!!!!!" (front kicks desk)

"When I'm not playing Bunco, I am sad. Because... I'm just... emo."

"I'm going to hit you with my nuts!"

boy, talking to dice: "I know I look funny, but you have to look past that, into my heart... because I NEED to roll sixes."

"You know, if you put some eyes on it, you could use it for your Facebook page."



"Don't spank me, it tickles!"



"Oh, I get it... he's making a BRIDGE to Terabithia!"



girl: "Mrs. Johnson, that's not how you spell my middle name."
me: "Really? because traditionally, the way to spell Jo for females is J-O. Sorry about that."
(next day)
girl: "Guess what? I asked my dad, and you were right. I've been spelling my middle name wrong for seven years."

End of the year...

"Even I'm smart in real life. It's not that hard. You just have to not be stupid."



"Did you see that? It's a karate dog!"



Girl: "What is that?"
Me: "Pad Thai."
Girl: "Sweet. Is it Italian?"



Boy 1: "Dude. Why do you guys keep your boxes?"
Boy 2: "Because boxes are where you keep your boxers!"



"You're making ME look smart... and that's bad."



Boy: "Is a veil a dress?"
Girl: "It's a dress for your FACE!"



me: "... so this needs to be done by the end of class. Any questions?"
(long pause)
Boy: "If you could, would you ride on the USS Enterprise?"

ah, the end of the year...

"I didn't think I could suck blood out of my tongue."



"Sometimes I chew on my snake's tail. It's a passion of mine."



"Did you hurt yourself? Try doing that to your TONGUE."



"Snake pieces, sorry."



"We. are. NINJA-TASTIC!"



boy: "Fra-gee-lay... what does that mean?"
(looong pause)
girl: "Are you serious?"



"Does anyone want some moss?"

A backlog- sorry!

Hey all! Sorry it's been a while- I had a bunch written down that I lost (arg!), so I was looking for them... but in the meantime, these happened!




"I'm going to give birth to you so I can marry you at a later date."



"I can't believe it's going to be that much money. I don't have $75 million!"



"Is yourself a jerk?"



"Wouldn't that be a negative 0?"



"That sounded like a Grolar bear sneeze."



"The service here (in the classroom) is unsatisfactory. I'm taking my business elsewhere."



"My brother is just... a rascal."



"Are you going to leave us? Like Nanny McPhee?"



"When I was in 5th grade, I was already of a higher intellect of comedy."



"I don't think little kids can actually comprehend how funny Spongebob is."



(Homework answer) "How David and Solomon are related: Both had wife issues."

This week...

"I declare today National Chicken Day."

"It's legal in Connecticut."

"If I was an Egyptian... I'd have an AK47."

"I have an overhead disease."

"Easy peasy lemon juicy. Pumpkin juice. Pumpkin pie. Right? Pumpkin Pie?"

"If you do something mean, I will disconnect, and not talk to you and not respond to your texts."

"I'd like to donate my body to the cannibals in Peru."

"My brother's a midget. Raised by humans."

"Australia is located in British."

"I've been tickled too many times by these hands."

Last week

Late with this post, sorry!

"Pads aren't just for girls."

"A leotard is like being naked, only with a layer of clothes on."

"I am willing to give you four hugs and a penny if you vacuum for me."

"Your loss. I have rabies."

"I haven't done anything yet! Except punch him in the face..."

"This makes spit fly off of my tongue and into my face."