oh... burn!

"Would you like some ice for that third-degree BURN?"








"Now that's COLONIAL swag."








"That amendment says no quartering of troopers."








(This one comes from a future middle-schooler- another class was using my room for presentations, and I got to witness this...)
boy 1: "(Jefferson Davis) was a little like me in his childhood."
boy 2: "How?"
boy 1:  "Except I didn't work on a cotton plantation."
teacher: "Then how?"
boy 1: "Well, I might be president someday."
(long pause)
girl 1: "How did (Jefferson Davis's) wife die?"
boy 1: "I don't know- maybe she wasn't taking care of herself."








"I veto chihuahuas! They shiver and it's weird."








"You smell like... Albertson's."

oh, really?

"Look at my tongue! My tongue is awesome!"

"Stubby Thriller arms!"

"We should have muzzles..."

"Hey guys, let's switch personalities!"

Boy1 about boy 2, to me: "Mrs J, (he) is self conscious because he's going through puberty."

me: "You're ALL going through puberty."

boy 1: "Yeah, but he's going through puberty on his face."

"You could dye your head bald!"

Spring Break Countdown...

"I HAVE ROUND CHEEEEEESE!"

"Everyone hide! Please don't explode."

"I think I'm a ninja."

"MMMM, warm Fritos taste!"

boy 1 to boy 2: "You opened that fruit cup like a boss."

boy 2: "I can't do anything like a boss."

"Mrs. Johnson! Banana Zone!"

"I like to squish things. Preferably artificial cheese."

"What is the meaning of this? It's REAL cheese?!?"

"I get colds from history."

"Why would you use a dictionary to do something stupid, like improve your grade?"

How does that work, exactly?

"I'm in love with a teenage pineapple!"

boy: "Okay, Okay- Everyone at this table. What's your opinion of My Little Ponies?"

girl: "Tom Sawyer? Doesn't he get eaten by a whale?"

(long pause)

boy: "Um... that's Pinnochio."

girl to boy 1:"You... buried your Hunger Games book in DIRTY LAUNDRY? Who DOES THAT?!?"

boy 2: "I would teach that person a LESSON."

TOO MUCH SUGAR

boy: "I want to be an ox."

girl: "Why?"

boy: "Because then I could kill people. With my head."

"It's Valentine's Day! You're not supposed to be mean, you jerk!"

"Bart sounds like an offensive name."

me: "Winner, winner, chicken dinner!"

boy: "Loser, loser... something that sounds like oozer."

(discussion ensues)

boy: "YES! Loser, loser... chicken bruiser?"

"I don't believe in unicorns... but I do believe in uni-bears."

Never heard that one before...

"Usually, when I hiccup, I'll end up burping at the end."

"You shocked my NOSE! With your ELBOW!"

(movie on in class): "You could've gotten stabbed by a swordfish!"

boy: "Um... they're not actually swords."

"Do you wanna go pet some mooses?"

(into a fake walkie talkie) "Let's go get a dinosaur. Copy that."

"Technically, when you're bowling, all the lanes go the same direction."

"TURRRRRN! Randomrandomtuuuuuuurn!"

"My name is __________ and I have a pet chair."

"You DON'T throw artificial ham!"

You're absolutely correct.

"There's nothing shameful about having a 'stache."

"It's rude to talk while I'm interrupting!

"I have an accusation to make. Colonel Mustard got Mrs. Plum with a candlestick."

me: "Does anyone have any questions?"

boy: "No, I get it! It's like on Sesame Street..."

boy to girl: "I don't think giving birth and rejoicing has anything to do with good friends. Are you reading the right verse?"

girl: "Um... oh! I'm a chapter off!"

boy: "Yeah, cuz right now, that's what a BAD friend would do."

"For a second there, I thought you said, 'Don't make friends with a hot tub!' "