He must be awfully hungry...

"Birds aren't retarded. They are very smart. They regurgitate their food and they feed it to my dad."

"Aw, man! I guess we don't make good gang members."

boy: "What makes a gang member?"

girl: "Weird hats."

"Did I just poke myself in the eye with my own finger?"

"You look like a giant coat monster!"

(I shut a door a little too hard in between two classrooms.)

In the next door classroom, boy 1: "Mrs. Johnson ANGRY."

boy 2: "J-dog SMASH."

"Mrs. Johnson, is the zombie apocalypse an actual thing?"

ET Phone Home...

"E.T. has a home phone?"

"I was sick. You know- cough cough, sneezity. Cough."

"Ew, I just touched something green and sticky."

boy: "At least my mom didn't make me wear her high heels."

"Look, I'm putting a new spin on the name tree hugger!" (hugs tree)

girl 1: "Mrs. J, what would you do if one of us fell out of the car?"

me: "I suppose it depends on where, and when..."

girl 2: "And who."

"When I go out Sasquatch hunting, that's where I'll look."

"You are my worst enemy in the history of space and time!!!"

Don't we all?

"I wish I was Buzz Lightyear."

"Is that a vampire penguin wearing a diaper with three eyes and a cape?"

"I think my dog likes history."

They'd be awfully difficult to read...

"What if books were birds?"

"I am going to be at a tsunami-safe beach."

"(in my dream) I see a giant wave, and then it ruins the whole trip, and then I die, which kind of sucks too."

"Maybe death should die."

boy 1, while I'm lecturing: "Oxiclean."

girl: "Random."

boy 1: "Billy Mays."

boy 2: "He died."

"Oh blue whale, this hurts!"

"I wonder if Mrs. Johnson will still talk to me if I become an ornithologist."

"It's an industrial wigwam!"

(In someone's textbook, they wrote this caption): "Granny-dog."

(while spinning in a chair, speaking in a British accent) "Everything mooves fahstah when you have a British accent!"

"It was like pink and red and grossness mixed together."

"My mom has bowties? Well, my dad used to have hair."

"That caterpillar looked like Ozzy Osbourne."

"I may as well just not show up that day if you're going to make me be a nun."

"Hold on, let me get my monocle."

A play on words... all of them.

"I think that 'facitious' is 'fa-sheesh'."

(boy 1 mentions Turkish pirates in a presentation.)

boy 2: "Don't you mean jerkish pirates?"

"That was an awkward one, but everyone clap anyways!"

"What's a floppy (disk)?"

"Marshy- like a marshmallow, you know? Just trying to add some humor."

Is that all it is?

boy to me: "This is how a wrinkle in time works." (Fold piece of string.) "See?"

"Is Indiana a state? I thought it was just a city in Minneapolis."

"Dramatic music for this dramatic moment!"

"Say goose, for Pete's sake!"

"It's a pinky petticoat!"

boy 1 to me: "Thanks for correcting me. My mouth was..."

boy 2: "Mouth.exe has stopped working. Would you like to send an error report?"

boy 1: "Um..."

boy 2: "Install updates."

boy 1: "In November, I will update to age 13."

"(His) fist.exe is ready to launch!"

boy 1: "What does that word mean?"

boy 2: "It means that my vision is super. I have super vision!"

"People are so distractifying."

"He can go jump in a mud puddle."

"(He) is Sir Num-Nums."

boy 1, to me: "You're to fast."

boy 2: "And furious."

"I watch it because it's after Tyra. Which, in my opinion, is better than Oprah."

"I have super vision!"

You don't say...

"I just pulled my Einstein out on you. My noodle. Spaghetti. Fettuccine. "

"(The prize) is love. You can't sell that on eBay."

"Traitor yourself, you traitor!"

"You don't eat dynamite. Unless you want to blow up."

me: "Who can think of an example of a compound noun?"

boy: "Taxidermist."

me: (quizzical face)

boy: "I don't even know what it means."