Do I Even Want to Know?

"She's going to tase my booty so it can't shake?"

girl: "What does albeit mean?"

(I start to answer)

boy, interrupting: "It's like, 'Who wants to be narrator?' 'Albeit!' "

boy 1 to boy 2: "You're not Charlie Sheen."

girl, singing: "Little Bunny Doo-doo..."

girl: "It's jolly! Jolly!"

boy, interrupting: "Gotta get down on jolly!"

"I just breathed a little too hard."

"I kind of went goth over the weekend."

"Hello, young fellows! Let's read, let's read!"

"Oh, my cold blood! What will I do?"

girl, to me: "How many quotes do you have?"

me: "A lot."

girl: "It's like, 'This was Language Arts. We got everything done- and then some.' "

"You sound like a foreign antelope."

"I love eating! It's how I survive, in case you didn't know."

(in writing assignment): "I just had to move to the colony after I saw that advertisement. Man, am I a sucker for a good poster."

"What is MySpace?"

What Does Ay Carumba Mean?

"Ay carumba is just a fancy way of saying, 'Hey, that guy stole my car!' "

"She is talking about dwarves digging holes."

"Oh, barnacle blowers!"

"Is your headache affecting your digitals?"

"It smells like... Sprite."

"I think your headache is affecting your oscipital lobe."

(later) "I think your oscipital lobe is still affected."

(sirens outside)

boy comes in to room: "Aw, man!"

boy 2 comes in room: "Comin' for me."

girl 1: "No, for me!"

girl 2: "No, they're coming for the unicorn!"

boy 1: "Female ants do all the work. Male ants watch ant football."

boy 2: "Or ant basketball. They could use their middle legs to hold on to the hoops, and top legs to dunk."

"I just thought of a black cow. And it was awesome."

boy 1 to boy 2: "Look out! It's a snake ninja attack!"

"This lollipop looks like it as a face on it! I don't want to be a cannibal."

boy:"I just realized that the life of Winnie the Pooh must really stink. If he wants to think, he has to go all the way to his thinking spot to think..."

girl: "Isn't it a thinking log?"

boy, not listening to girl: "...And maybe he wants to think in a rainstorm. What does he do then?"

Umm... what?!?

"Would you like my handcuffs?"

"Stephen King has a wife... named Stephanie Queen."

"And if you're feeling down... just whip your hair back and forth."

"I asked three posters, and they were all wrong."

"Also, that's a great way to get arrested."

"Mrs. Johnson, what's your take on aliens?"

"You could use this to stab someone."

"My answer was, 'I take it like a man.' I hope that's okay."

"Every time I think of creative writing, I think of an Indian jumping out of the ground saying, 'I want corn!' "

"Curse your long legs!"

me, responding to a question asked by girl 1: "I won't tell you why, but trust me- it's in your best interests to only write on your study guide."

girl 2: "wink wink."

girl 1: "OHH. nudge nudge. "

boy 1: "bathroom bathroom."

Who are the Spice Girls?

boy: "Mrs. Johnson, who are the Spice Girls?"

me: "A British all-girl pop band from the 90's. They famously, and obnoxiously, wrote 'Tell Me What You Want", and they were all name things like Baby Spice, Scary Spice..."

girl, interrupting: "I'm Pumpkin Spice!"

(later) girl 1, to girl 2: "I wanna, I wanna, I wanna! choke you to death."

"A police ran over your mom?"

"I fell in the dumpster because I didn't have any buckets."

girl 1: "Since when do leprechauns ride scooters?"

girl 2: "Since when do leprechauns have cat heads?"

"I need to find the definition for a smiley face. Where do I find that?"

girl 1, loud whispering across the room to girl 2: "I'm going to snuff your candle out!"

"I hate listening to the llamas outside of my house."

"Death is imminent. (She) is GOING to kill you."

girl, to me: "Why would (Madame Curie) open a box with an atomic bomb in it?"

me: "Pandora's box is a myth. And a metaphor."

Sound the alarm!

"The Pentagon has been breached!"

"We've been infiltrated by the Soviet Union!"

boy 1: "What does ghastly mean?"

boy 2: "Um, it runs on diesel?"

boy 1: "I didn't know Voldemort was in our history book!"

boy 2: "She said Baltimore, not Voldemort."

"I have already had four girlfriends."

"To me, there are two kinds of aunts."

girl, to me: "Two years is like a LIFETIME. You could die. I could KILL YOU in those two years. YOU COULD BE DEAD."

"You should make up fake names. Adam and Eve Dinglehopper."

"The force of hands make words come together."

"Why is there fireworks going on in your mouth?"

me, to boy 1: "What are the compound words?"

boy 1: "Abundance."

me to boy 1: " What are the two words that make up that word?"

(no answer)

boy 2: "Actually, there are three. A. Bun. and DANCE!"

"I thought she was going to say, 'Why am I always getting cancer?' "

"Right now, I bet (Steve Jobs) is in Heaven showing God the iPhone 8."

"Why did you throw that sticky note away? It's sad now. It's crying."

"Can we all pay a big- no, moderate amount- of Johnson cash to see the blog?"

"I hope she's not writing a biography about herself."

"When you're sneezing, check to see if your heart stops."

"I'll be your beanie model."

I think I'll pass, but thanks...

girl, to me: "Do you want this? You can use it to stab people."

"Their true colors were RED. It compliments their eyes. Like the guys from Britain. Makes their eyes really pop."

"Curse this stupid beehive!"

"Sorry, she was singing about hot dogs. It's her fault."

"Finses isn't a word, grammar police!"

"I want to own a blowhole."

"Curse the black dumpster!"

"I'm betraying myself as I speak!"

"What's right up my alley? I don't like alleys! They're scary!"

"I know what's up my alley. Death."

girl to boy: "Get your thinker working!"

boy to girl: "Sorry, my thinker was on a break."

"If you turned into a smurf, I would be very sad."

oh really...

"I can juggle milk."

"I balance paper towels too!"

"You've been smurfed!"

"You should have Mrs. Johnson call you Captain Sparkles."

"I have a second life where I am a werewolf."

"I have a second life where I'm me. It's called my main life. I need to get a life. I should buy one."

"Only boys can be police. Girls can be fashion police."