A backlog- sorry!

Hey all! Sorry it's been a while- I had a bunch written down that I lost (arg!), so I was looking for them... but in the meantime, these happened!




"I'm going to give birth to you so I can marry you at a later date."



"I can't believe it's going to be that much money. I don't have $75 million!"



"Is yourself a jerk?"



"Wouldn't that be a negative 0?"



"That sounded like a Grolar bear sneeze."



"The service here (in the classroom) is unsatisfactory. I'm taking my business elsewhere."



"My brother is just... a rascal."



"Are you going to leave us? Like Nanny McPhee?"



"When I was in 5th grade, I was already of a higher intellect of comedy."



"I don't think little kids can actually comprehend how funny Spongebob is."



(Homework answer) "How David and Solomon are related: Both had wife issues."

This week...

"I declare today National Chicken Day."

"It's legal in Connecticut."

"If I was an Egyptian... I'd have an AK47."

"I have an overhead disease."

"Easy peasy lemon juicy. Pumpkin juice. Pumpkin pie. Right? Pumpkin Pie?"

"If you do something mean, I will disconnect, and not talk to you and not respond to your texts."

"I'd like to donate my body to the cannibals in Peru."

"My brother's a midget. Raised by humans."

"Australia is located in British."

"I've been tickled too many times by these hands."

Last week

Late with this post, sorry!

"Pads aren't just for girls."

"A leotard is like being naked, only with a layer of clothes on."

"I am willing to give you four hugs and a penny if you vacuum for me."

"Your loss. I have rabies."

"I haven't done anything yet! Except punch him in the face..."

"This makes spit fly off of my tongue and into my face."

Bunco Trash Talk

"I have your mom on speed dial." "If you keep singing that song, I'm going to shake you up like a milkshake." "Burritos are things you throw at houses." "I 'Bunc'ed this game up." "I got a Bunco, but they took it from me." "Why?" "They got a Boggle." And today... "I love committing arson. It makes me feel complete. Does that worry you?" "I barted." "How did that go over?" "Not very well. Kind of like drinking nails." (Two minutes later...) "I wanna get acupuncture." "We should get matching tattoos when we're older!" "Um... I just swallowed my tooth."

oh, today...

Boy: "My mom says I can't wear makeup til I'm in High School." "Don't snort salt. But it is easier to snort than it is to eat..." "Do you know I'm allowed to marry my second cousin? Pretty cool, huh."

Good times, right?

Girl: "Alright, my two most important things (for the overnight trip) are here: My eyelash curler, and my lipstick." Boy: "Excuse me. I'm not a lady, I'm a woman." "Did you say my cat looks tasty? Because I will EAT YOU."

Oh, bother.

"I suffer from a disease... called tiredness." Boy:" What was that guy's name again?" Me: "Leonardo di Caprio." Boy: "Yeah. Doesn't he look like Jesse McCartney?" Me: *groan*