last few...

Not many, but SCHOOL'S OUT!




"It looks more like a potato with a nose."




(writing in journal) "I get in a fowl mood."




(writing in journal) "I really wish I could wrap."




"We hope you can... buy? a baby?" (looks around nervously)

So close...

"We draw the line at underwear."




"YES! Butt friction."




"It's a disco waffle!"




"Her breasts are like bacon- her arms, like steel flagpoles."




"Those pigs-in-a-blankets are ghosts."




boy 1:"What's the opposite of haggle?"
boy 2: "Swaggle."




"I was born with an extra-large cry box."




"You are giant jellyfish of... swimmingness."




"I'm NOT becoming a principal, I'm becoming a dictator of a small country.
(Later)
"Change it from dictator- I"m going to be a warrior king!
(Later)
"Oh, Lord of the Universe just has a nice ring to it. It makes warrior king sound like weenies."




"Give me your FACE!"

I feel old.

"What's a floppy disk?"




boy to girl: "Seriously, my cousin's skin is GOLD. He practically glows."
me: "Um, what? Like an Austin Powers villain?"
boy: "no, more like..."
me: "Ricky Martin?"
boy: "Um... who is that?"




"We're going to write a children's book- Let Me Touch Your Mustache."




"He put it above his mouth and below his nose- two bad places."




boy to girl: "I know you're a girl with a star-spangled heart."




(Random noise)
Me to boy: "Did you have something to add?"
boy: "No, I was just beat-boxing."




"That's gross. That's like Dutch oven gross."




"TO BE OR NOT TO BE... that is all I know. Because I think the rest is boring and haven't paid attention."




"I'm going to burn that water bottle so bad it can't be recycled!"

The finale... for now.

"That's alien-racist."
(talking about space aliens, not immigrants, btw.)




boy 1 to boy 2: "I like looking at your upper body."




"I will flip a nostril's clown if I break something."




"I'll burn you so hard you'll be medium rare."




"I've licked it before."




"I'm going to punch you in the hair."




"(He) left his pants outside."




(5 days later)
"(He left his pants outside again."




"Your ears must really like you."




"Why does that cat look like it's just seen an elephant have an aneurysm?"




"It smelled like a dried up baby."




"You're as red as a potato."

And some more... this is me catching up.

"Mrs. J, I kind of made your baby look like a giraffe."
(For the record, I don't have a baby. It was an art project.)




boy 1 to boy 2: "AHHH! You got it in my EAR!"
boy 3: "Ha! An earful of Sprite."




"But-but-but- I don't wear any pants!"




"What's my first name?"




(over the din, I hear this)
boy 1 to girl 1: "You're pooping?!?"
girl 1: "NO!"
boy 1: "Then WHAT?!?"
(everyone has turned to look by now, room is silent.)
me: "Um... please explain."
girl 1: "I said, if you're an American before you go to the bathroom, and an American after you go to the bathroom, what are you while you're going to the bathroom?"
(everyone is silent)
girl 1: "Eur-o-pean!"

Still catching up...

Apologies- internet was out for like 4 days during spring break. Here are a few more.


boy to class: "Which one of you successful men would like to read the next verse?"




(students have been arguing about whether or not to leave door open. Most are whining that it's too cold, so this boy shouts...) "I am SO HOT with my MAN HEAT!"




"OH MY GOSH, he went to TAKE A PEE! GET OVER IT!"




"Boy, when good people screw up, they screw up BIG TIME."




"I love scissors! They... cut things."




(reading aloud) "Taft headed the Consecutive Branch."




boy 1 to boy 2: "Oh, you wanna be creepy? Two can play at that game!"




boy 1: "Yay, we're homesteaders! We get pitchforks!"
boy 2: "And torches! We're the original angry mob!"




"Uggghhh. It smells like... pretzels... and boys."




"If we're stuck HERE, how will we help Siberian tigers in Africa or something?"




"You stupid piece of cheese!"

Spring break, day 1

The first official day of spring break :)

"The toilet has an attitude!"




"We're gonna party like it's potatoes!"




"I'm Winni-er than Pooh Bear!"




(boy 1 to group): "Ducks vs. Beavers?"
(boy 2 in group to boy 1): "Nobody cares- we're looking at puppies!"




"Usher is like, yeah, I'm going to share my name with someone that brings popcorn to people."

Spring Break Officially

It's REALLY spring break now- 10 days! Hopefully I'll be updating my other blog too, but otherwise- reading and crocheting. That is ALL. It will be lovely.

Now for a few more quotes- yay!


Boy 1 to boy 2: "Ooooh, my hair is softer than yours."




"My lassoing days are over."





"At least I WEAR CLOTHES!"




"He's like a kid version of Hitler."




"Yes, Ferris Wheel Jesus."




"Act like a cow, Mrs. Johnson is coming!"




"I'm going to rage on you like a tiny dinosaur!"




(5th grade classwork has students finding better words than "happy, sad, good", etc- I'm reading possible answers.)
Boy: "Can I use pulchritudinous?"
(next answer)
boy: "Is dysphoric okay?"
(next answer)
boy: "This one's not as good- just unsullied."

Spring Break started 7 hours ago...

I'm devoting myself to FINALLY catching up on TMMSS during the break- I have a giant stack of post-its. These have accumulated since my last post, but they're in no particular order.

boy: "Oh, look, a baby clown! DIE, BABY CLOWN!"




boy: "I just had to stick my face in its face."




"There's the fridge-warm it up!"




"Sadly enough, my really long knuckle hair fell off."
(conversation ensues)
""Well, it's not every day you have a world record knuckle hair."




"A cute big sister with a POWER DRILL!"




"I have something awkward in my pocket."




"You ruptured my nuptials."




"Not so aggressively! I have sensitive hands!"


More (hopefully) tomorrow- updates should come through the week. Enjoy!

Election Day...

These are from today, during our election activities.

"Is this guy a 3rd party candidate? His name is... Clint Eastwood."




"How many (electoral votes) does Mexico get?"




"Obama... as far as abortion goes... he's for it."




boy, to me: "Taylor Swift's new album is pretty legit."




(looking at a picture of Obama) "Is there a campaign for this guy, or what? He's everywhere!"




me to class: "Why can't George Bush Sr. run again?"
boy: "He's dead!"




me to class: "What about LaMarcus Aldrige- could he be elected?"
boy: "Well, I was looking at his tweets.." (I didn't hear the rest of what he said. I was laughing too hard.)




boy 1 to boy 2: "We're going to leave you here."
boy 1 to boy 3: "Come on, let's go to the Corner of Knowledge."




"Is that... Harriet Tubman? Oh no- it's Dora the Explorer."




"I found owl poop in my mom's purse once."




boy 1: "What's wrong with Mrs. G?"
boy 2: "Her eyes are closed- she must be praying."
(ps- no, she was laughing so hard she was crying.)




"I actually have a turban."




"She's Mexican so she probably boxes in her garage."




"Romney probably has a binder full of men too."




"That sounds like an annoying cat dying moose llama thing."




"I have another poop story. It's about my brother. As a toddler. On an airplane."




"Pause the TV and kiss on her!"




(during presentation) "The confederate voters in Virginia..."





The following are NOT from today- these have been accumulating for a while.

"I would probably be a frisky kitty cat."




"Oh, yuck! This can't be healthy."




"Razor scooters, Nazi edition."




"I found another fingernail."




(phone buzzes)
boy 1: "Is someone playing a saxophone?"
boy 2: "Yeah... I have a pocket saxophone."




girl to boy: "Here's your pencil."
boy to pencil: "Hey there! Long time no see, little buddy!"




"It is overwhelmingly beautiful. Just like my Cheez-its."




"I liked him... because he had a beard. He was like Santa Claus in my mind."




"My soul has eyebrows."




"My dad got a sunflower seed stuck in his ear once."

Oh, really?

(In writing assignment.)
"Unfortunately, I don't have a courageous characteristic. I have more of a hermit crab characteristic."




"Abstain means... to stain the carpet."




"Um, my liver went to Chicago."




"I don't care if it starts in my nostril!"




"Goats have a weird fiddly thing on their chin. Like Osama bin Laden."

I don't think so...

"They're brother and sister? I thought Dora and Diego were... el chum-os."




(boy sees me writing down a quote)
"What are you writing? Was it the one about the man-stache?"  (regrettably, I missed that one.)




"I got that from Dora."




"I'm communing with my cookie."




"If you were allergic to yourself, that... would be terrible."




"It tastes like Sasquatch jerky!"




(boy, to me) "He's an instigator! He's an investigator, right, Mrs. J.?"
me: "Wait... is he an instigator or an investigator?"
boy: "Investigator. That's what you call an instigating alligator."
me: "Where does the V come from?"
boy: "Velcro."




"Philosophical: If you just listen, the answers will come through your mouth."




"Cocoa beans were used as money? Like in jail."
(I raise my eyebrows)
"Yeah,in jail they use raisins as money."

What is that noise?

(class is silent)
(in the back I suddenly hear a humming... then) "A-we-mo-wep, A-we-mo-wep, A-we-mo-wep, A-we-mo-wep... In the jungle, the mighty jungle..."




(girl has her head under an over-turned chair)
different teacher: "What are you doing?"
girl: "it's like a tiny little hut!"




boy 1: "Wait, WEIRD stands for something?"
me: "In class, it does. It's We Enjoy Independent Reading Daily. I've been saying it for weeks now."
boy 1: "Oh... I thought you were just telling us to be weird."
boy 2: (leans over to me dramatically and whispers loudly) "It's too late for him."




"Mother Nature is on 'ROIDS!"




"Are dinosaurs considered mythical?"




boy 1 to boy 2: "I'm going to declare war on you if you don't help me!"




"When I get old, and my arms are all skin-flappy, I'm going to get the American flag tattooed on them so I can make the flag wave."




me: "Do you know the line the raven keeps repeating?"
(silence)
me: "It's 'never more.' It refers to this woman's death."
boy 1: "Like, 'never more LIFE'?
me: "Yeah, pretty much."
boy 1: "I'm DEEP, y'all."

You what?

"I ran into a fire hydrant."




"What is there to help with? Yes, I know- I can help turn oxygen into Carbon Dioxide."




"Common sense... it's a curse because you have to deal with people that don't have it."




boy 1: "Ugggh! My bag hurts."
boy 2: "Well, you're getting old."




boy 1 to boy 2: "So, I heard you broke three lights in your bathroom by whipping your towel around trying to kill a fly."
bo 3: "I killed a bee with a foryk once."




(pointing to a pic of an N64 on his shirt) "If she doesn't know what that is, she's too young for you bro."




me: "You're always rough-housing."
boy: "nuh-uh, I'm rough apartmenting."




"Open your book, for Peeta's sake!"




me: "Work!"
boy: "I already have three rivers labeled."
me: "Great. Keep going."
boy: "Spoiler Alert: No I don't."

Welcome back to school!

I have twice as many kids this year, so this should be interesting...


boy 1 to boy 2: "I'm a little young to have a drinking problem."
boy 2: "You're addicted to CapriSun, that's all I'm sayin'."
boy 1: "I DON'T NOT HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM!"




"You know what else I'm wearing? My detachable thumb."




(in art class)
boy 1: "This looks so cool!"
girl 1: "This is awesome!"
boy 2: "This smells really bad."





Me, to art class: "NO sniffing Sharpies!"
(quiet pause)
boy: "But wait... can I still breath?"




"Mine looks like a bunch of old ladies!"

I don't know...

"Did it sting or feel like a chocolate bunny kissing you?"








"What? Mermaids aren't hairy."








"I'm more like a squirrel."








"My nose is neutral."








"Me, Myself and I- a Cowboy Story."








"I'm not sure about this. What am I supposed to do with my jeans?"

that WOULD be weird

"It would be weird if they melted down Michael Jackson's face and made it into Legos."








me: "Knock it off with the Christian cuss words!"
boy 1: "Christmas cuss words?"
boy 2: "Son of a Rudolph!"








"Did you know worms have hats?"








girl: "Oh, he's going to throw a whole planet at me!"
boy: "Give me Venus back!"
girl: "NO! I'm killing the Martians!"

oh, brother

"Is this what we have been degraded to? Playing with a piece of dust?"








(Two soon-to-be middle schoolers, playing a guessing game.)
girl 1: "A lot of Scottish people wear these designs..."
girl 2: "Bagpipes!"








"I have a bump on my tongue."








"I almost tasted her HAIR!"








boy, to me: "You're just punishing me because I know Jacob is better and Jar Jar Binks is awesome. You're jealous!"








"I like hobos, and I like fairies."

really?

"It's more anticlimactic than Mr. Rogers, and all his friends are IMAGINARY!"








"I misheard myself."








"I know, but I ate two of them off the ground..."








"That was like a dying chihuahua."

How can you tell?

"My hump is bigger than yours."








"That's a foot-stompin', hand-clappin' harmony."








"I prefer boys because you don't have to talk to them."








"You're a jerk. I'm cancelling our Draw Something game."








"Goodbye, Compromise of 1833. I've never liked you."








"This would be a great time to be friends with a rapper."








"Oh, they're gonna be so jealous! Let's walk all cool- in slow motion!"








boy 1: "Let me just go hunting..."
boy 2: "Like I do. With dinosaurs."
me: (eyeroll)
boy 2: "It's true. They never see it coming."








"You should go to Africa and learn their ways of storytelling. I hear they're pretty good at it."








"OOOH, right in the childhood!"








"If there are injuries, are there also out-juries?"